15 Years

My mother died on March 23, 2009 - 15 years ago tomorrow .  I wonder if I will ever get over the urge to to call my mother and tell her about what is happening in my life or to ask her a question.  I suspect not.   

One of our church leaders once spoke about the 'tender mercies of the Lord'.  The circumstances surrounding her death are among my most cherished 'tender mercies'.  The 5 months between my Aunt Mary Finch's death and my mothers were very difficult ones for her.  She and Mary had been inseparable for many years.  They shopped together, ate together, went to the movies together and saw each other every single day; often multiple times a day.  In October 2008, I spent 6 weeks in Arkansas when Mary was sick.  My mother visited us in Idaho for Christmas.  (I asked her to come for Thanksgiving and stay through the new year and she looked at me like I was crazy.  She never was away from home for that long).   In March I made the trip to visit her in Lonoke.  After arriving on Thursday night we spent the next few days enjoying time together.  She did water aerobics while I ran.  We went out to eat with family and friends. On Saturday we shopped from one end of the mall to the other looking for the perfect bathing suit for her and a new wallet.  She ordered a new TV and a new chair. My cousin Janie and her husband Pat had us over for dinner that evening.  The only hint that all was not  well is when I suggested we go visit my Uncle Dick and she said she was too tired.  She wasn't too tired to make me another batch of black eyed peas since I had finished the ones she made before I came.

On Sunday morning I heard her get up about 7:00 but I didn't get up for another hour.  When I walked into the living room, she was in her chair and I thought she had drifted back to sleep.  I got the paper which was folded at her feet, fixed my breakfast and sat down to eat.  Suddenly she started making a strange snoring noise.  It was unusual enough that I went over to check on her and found that I couldn't wake her up.  I called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital in North Little Rock.  A CT scan showed a massive bleed on her brain with no hope for a meaningful recovery.  She died the next day, having never regained consciousness.  Had I not been in Arkansas, I would not have had time to get there before she passed away.  We would not have had those perfect few days together.  I will forever be grateful for the 'tender mercy' of that time together and of holding her hand while she passed through the veil to eternity.

In her honor and memory, I'd like to share some quotes about mothers and some photos of our last Christmas together plus some photos of early times with her.  Moma and Daddy had been married for 4 years before she got pregnant with me.  I know that I was an answer to their prayers.  My childhood was blessed by their constant love for me; my adult life by their  unending support.

"What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us."– Helen Keller

Time may move on, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my mother. The day she died is not just a date on a calendar, it was the day my very existence changed forever

“Whenever I am missing you, I also remember how fortunate I was that you were in my life. I wouldn’t trade those moments for the world” – Cindy Adkins

"The mother memories that are closest to my heart are the small gentle ones that I have carried over from the days of my childhood. They are not profound, but they have stayed with me through life, and when I am very old, they will still be near."– Margaret Sanger

I wish heaven had visiting hours so I could see and speak to my mom again. I miss her so much.

“Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.”– J.K. Rowling

“Grief and love are conjoined, you don’t get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy” – Jandy Nelson

 To my mother in heaven, thank you for always loving me and guiding me. Even though you are no longer here with me I can still feel your love guiding me. You are always in my heart. I love you and miss you dearly

There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart."– Mahatma Gandhi

“There is something about losing a mother that is permanent and inexpressible—a wound that will never quite heal.”– Susan Wiggs

“My Mother is a never-ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune” – Graycie Harmon