Bad Girls

I think we must have been bad one day!

And I always thought we were such nice girls!

Ace

Meet Ace!  75 pounds of dog!  His tail is constantly knocking things about but we already love him.  He'll only be with us for about a week before we take him back to begin his training.  Again I'll feel like I'm taking my child to boarding school!

Bob Newhart told a great Guide Dog joke.  George Shearing, a blind jazz pianist, was on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.  In those days, there was always a fuel stop somewhere in the Midwest.  They landed in Chicago and during the time of refueling, the passengers usually left the plane to stretch their legs.  Remember this was in the days when one walked down stairs that were rolled up to the exit. George remained inside with his guide dog Lee tucked under the seat.  After a time, the pilot came back and asked if he'd like him to take Lee for a walk. George agreed, thanked him and gave him the dog.  About 15 minutes later, the seat partner commented that about 40 - 50 people seemed to be milling around the bottom of the stairs, reluctant to get back on the plane because they saw the pilot get off the plane assisted by a Guide Dog!

Bob Newhart

George and I spent Friday night at Spirit Mountain Casino.  Don't worry we neither lost the retirement fund nor became sudden millionaires! What we did was laugh for 1 1/2 hours at Bob Newhart.

If you are too young to remember the Bob Newhart show or his stand up comedic routines, then you might know him as Buddy's Dad in the movie "Elf"! 

Because George had a Bob Newhart record and because George has an amazing memory, he has quoted Bob Newhart routines to me for the last 38 years!  And they are still funny! 

Over the years we've seen the airlines become more and more like "Mrs. Grace L Ferguson Airline and Storm Door" company!   Here's a little excerpt from the pilot's speech to the passengers on a flight to Hawaii: 

"Good evening, I'd like to welcome you aboard the Mrs. Grace L. Ferguson Airline and Storm Door Co.  I don't know how much you know about our airlines, we've only been in business about a week.  Uh, our airline was founded on the philosophy that what the American public was really looking for was low cost overseas transportation.  We have attempted to eliminate what we call in the airline business 'frills and extras' like uh....maintenance, and ...uh radar, and a whole bunch of technical looking instruments up in the cockpit.  Oh incidentally I want to apologize for your having to stand all the way..uh...if I can give you a little tip there, every oh, half hour or so, you want to alternate your arms through those straps above you head.  Uh...you folks flying tourist don't have any straps...so don't bother looking for them."  

Sounds almost too close to the truth about flying these days!

As the kids learned to drive or we've encountered bad drivers on the roads, we've remembered the 'driving instructor'.  In this one, Bob is giving a lesson to Mrs. Webb.  

Let's practice some turns. Um, the important thing on turns is not to make them too sharp,

just kind of make a gradual....Now that was fine....That was a wonderful turn....It's hard for   me to believe you only had two lessons after you make a turn like that....Are you sure you haven't had more lessons? I find that very difficult to believe...One little thing....This is a one way street....Well, no, no actually it was partially my fault, you see, but uh, you were in the left hand lane and you were signaling left, and I just more or less assumed you were going to turn left.

The sold out auditorium was filled with grey haired people laughing hysterically as Bob delivered his routine in his typical dead pan style. I'm so glad we got to see this man that will go down in history as one of the greatest comedians of our lifetimes. 

  

Cruise humor

On the last day of the cruise the cruise director shared some of the questions he'd been asked.  I think they are so funny but it surely makes me think of all the 'dumb' questions I've probably asked over the years.

• When he announced that the photos that had been taken during the cruise were on display in the photo shop someone asked him, "How will I know which ones are mine?"  Uhh....the ones with you in the photo.
• "How small does my head have to be to qualify for the spa's 'mini facial'?
• "Where is the elevator that takes me to the front of the ship?"
• One complaint from the last cruise was that the glaciers were too 'dirty'.  What exactly did they think Holland America could do about that?  Send some room stewards a couple of days early to clean them and how exactly does one go about cleaning a glacier...with a zamboni????
• "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?"
• "I notice lots of people with small patches behind their ear.  What religion are they?"  His answer the "e-queasy-asticals". " I am a dedicated member of that religion.
• "Is the water in the toilets fresh water or salt water?"  His response, "Why do you want to know?  There are too reasons I'll never know - #1 and #2!"  Sorry 2nd grade humor here!
• And then there are the classic two questions. "Does the ship generate its own power?"  No we have a really long extension cord. "Does the crew sleep on the ship?"  Ummm...we are in the middle of the ocean, where else would they sleep?